Snakes by Guy N Smith
Snakes by Guy N Smith
Whoever made the infamous Snakes on a Plane movie must have read this. I’m convinced. Except this is Snakes in a Village
The quality of Guy N Smith’s books can be hit and miss. He certainly churned out the volumes for cash. I’m a big fan. They are not for everyone and he never won any of the big awards. He was writing novels to entertain, read quickly and move on to the next one, using whatever writing hook he could use ( gore, action, sex!!). The literary equivalent of a TikTok video! Although not one of his best, Snakes is another fabulous, over-the-top nature gone bad novel from the master. This is a classic B movie Packed into a 176-page treat.
His story revolves around a zoo being shut down. While transporting the snakes, the lorry is involved in a motorway pile-up, resulting in the rag-tag bunch of snakes hightailing it to the nearest village, feeling very angry. Not before a boa constrictor crushes a policeman to death, of course, in wonderful gory detail. What ensues is a parochial and quiet British village under lockdown, locals disobeying the rules, people getting poisoned or crushed, the army searching the surrounding countryside during the hottest summer on record and our chief protagonist snake expert trying to find a way to defeat the snakes with revenge in his blood after his aunt dies. And boy does he save the day.
Now although this is full of the classic Mr Smith tropes, there are only a few mentions of sex but no full-blown accounts of couples getting the love on! There is, though, a plethora of snake violence as they slither into bedrooms, sneak up on people in cornfields, crawl into a pram ( a particularly disturbing scene), and various insights into characters that you know are going to die horribly. Plus a bizarre series of chapters another of our heroes is stuck in a boiling hot car with his girlfriend as a snake patiently waits for them to die in the heat.
Smith even manages to tell the tale from the snake’s point of view, when they hide themselves in a secret lair (which a policeman falls into this by accident and meets a grisly demise). He creates a strange conversation between the different species of snakes and why they make the Boa Constrictor King of the Snakes.
Strangely for a Smith novel, the hero does not meet the woman of his dreams at any point during the story and is pretty young. They are usually always hitting their forties while married /dating/having an affair with someone 15 years younger. Also, although he is a main character, it does not focus on him. Just the various villagers and how this sudden invasion is affecting them. Generally, not in a good way!! He creates these wonderful, short vignettes of characters, that are all destined to die.
My biggest criticism would be the deaths, although great when described, are pretty limited. Apart from being crushed or poisoned, there isn’t any other way to meet the end. So it’s not quite as packed with visceral details as Night of the Crabs, Alligator, or The Festering.
However, this rips through the tale at speed to the quick and sudden ending. It does read like he ran out of steam towards the end, similar to Night of the Crabs and he was not sure how to end this. However, this is classic Smith, like putting on a big warm jumper on a cold night and a cup of tea to hand. Always reliable! If you can find a copy, which is getting rarer and rarer these days, grab one for yourself. The perfect read for a red hot day having a picnic. Keep your eyes out for snakes though.
Thanks for stopping!
Dan
